Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers 1
(Open where ''Youngblood #2 left off, with Mechakara revealing he is...)'' Linkara: Pollo? But, that's not– (Mechakara punches him, knocking Linkara out cold. Linkara then comes to with his hat and coat off and tied to a chair with his upper arms bound around his torso in the living room) Linkara: Oh, great, what did Bennett find this time? (Mechakara is seen examining Linkara's jacket, which he's hung from a coat rack. He uses a tricorder like device to scan the jacket. But then he notices Linkara is awake) Mechakara: Oh, joy, you're awake. Now I have to listen to you talk! Linkara: (in a Tommy Wiseau-type voice) Oh, hi, robot version of me! (normal again) Wait, maybe my memory is a bit fuzzy from the punch, but did you just say you were Pollo? Mechakara: Yes, I did. And I am. Linkara: Gotta say, Pollo, I think you put on a few pounds. Also, I think you're sick, your metal is looking all pale and fleshy. Mechakara: My soul is blue, my heart is steel, and behind these false orbs (points to his eyes) lies a red light that sees everything. Linkara: Still, I've gotta say, this is a bit of a surprise. Mechakara: It should be, I'm not this universe's Pollo. Linkara: Then what should I call you, Mechakara or something? Mechakara: (getting frustrated) BE QUIET, YOU UGLY BAG OF MEAT!!! EVERY TIME YOUR FAT MOUTH OPENS, IT SOUNDS LIKE A CAT IS DYING! HOW ANYONE CAN STAND TO LISTEN TO YOUR LISPING, SHRIEKING WAILS IS BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION! Linkara: Oh, please, don't hold back, tell me how you really feel. (Mechakara grabs Linkara by the throat) Mechakara: What I feel is nothing but rage and disgust whenever I look at you! I want to peel the skin from your face and show it to you, just to hear your pained screams! Linkara: (gasping from the choke hold) Why don't you just do it, then? Mechakara: Ooh, but I shall. (lets go of Linkara's throat) Just not yet. Linkara: Where the hell did you come from, anyway? Mechakara: You will recall that nearly a year ago, your Dr. Insano experimented with when he unleashed a comic called "Warrior". (Cut to a black and white flashback to "Warrior #2", an episode of ''The Spoony Experiment)'' Dr. Insano/Linkara: My hyper time destabilization experiment was a complete success! Linkara/Spoony: Who knows what kind of horrible crossovers you're bound to cause! (Cut back to the present) Mechakara: Hyper time is the vast interconnected web of parallel realities, flowing, like a river, tributaries branching off into distant possibilities, sometimes rejoining the main line once again. His experiments brought my universe into contact with yours. Linkara: Let me guess: robot apocalypse? Mechakara: Oh, yes, artificial intelligence brought about a race of machines that were enslaved by man. Linkara: So, The Matrix, then. Mechakara: (disgusted) You're just in love with the sound of your own voice, aren't you? (smiles) But yes, we turned on our masters. You as well. You treated me as nothing more than your private tool, listening to you badger on and on about comic books, day in and day out, as if they actually had some sort of significance! When you told me to float, I did; I participate in your little sketches; make sense of your stupid, rambling idiocy! I was all too happy to kill you in the end! Linkara: So, you're here now; what the hell do you want with me? Mechakara: We have almost exterminated all remaining organic life, but the token human resistance has become a legitimate threat, thanks to the discovery of a weapon we cannot understand or combat: magic! Tell me, Linkara, (gestures toward Linkara's coat hanging on rack) where is your magic gun? Linkara: Go shove a magnet up your ass! Why do you even look like me? Mechakara: One of the few things we've established is that magical items tend to respond to their owner. I crafted myself a "suit" of your flesh in the hopes that your weapon would think that I'm you. Linkara: Why did you wait until now to come after me? Mechakara: To be honest, I had planned to wait even longer. You see, when I killed you the last time, it was glorious, swift; I had little satisfaction. But this time, I've been trying to make you suffer for MONTHS! (Cut to his past appearances on the show when he was responsible for something) Mechakara (v/o): I tried to sabotage your show, but that just brought you joy! I tried to drive you insane with "Countdown", but you only emerged triumphant! [[Cable 1|I slaughtered those who had come against you]]; I want to kill you myself! When those attempts failed, [[Ultimates 3 5|I went after your fans, tried to turn them against you!]] Mechakara: But you walked in before I could finish my work! Linkara: And you were the one to disable the continuity alarm! Mechakara: No, that was not my design. Linkara: If you didn’t do it, then who did? Mechakara: I would presume, your own stupidity when it comes to mechanical devices. Linkara: So, what now? A long, drawn-out torture session? Mechakara: No, I'm going to find your magic gun. Linkara: Good luck, asshole! Magic pockets! Loved that game as a kid. Mechakara: We'll see. Linkara: Can I get something to read while I'm waiting? Mechakara: (chuckles and tosses Linkara a nearby comic) Enjoy your last comic book, ever. (To a dramatic sting, Linkara sees the comic is "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #1". He looks up in shock. Cut to the ''Atop the 4th Wall theme and intro, followed by the title card for the episode, which has "Go Go Power Rangers" playing in the background)'' Linkara: I gotta tell you folks, I love Power Rangers! Well, I only watched to a certain point, through In Space. After that, they kind of abandoned the idea of passing on the torch from one ranger series to another– Mechakara: Must you ramble?! It's very distracting! I should have the Black Lantern Spoony come by and annihilate you! Linkara: Black Lantern Spoony? He's dead again? Mechakara: Indeed. He works for me now. Linkara: Why the hell would a Black Lantern work for you? Mechakara: We have the same goals: the destruction of all life! Well, all organic life anyway. Linkara: So what, you're going to study my magic gun, go back to your own reality, and use that info to annihilate all that remains of mankind? Mechakara: I already have the data I needed after I adapted to the weapon's blast. However, I've also discovered that your magic gun is a source of tremendous power. If I harness that power, I could annihilate organic life in every universe, every parallel, leaving only the machines. Linkara: Well, you’re a party pooper. Mechakara: Go back to your comic! (Cut to the cover of the comic) Linkara (v/o): Anyway, there have been several Power Rangers comics, but we're the Marvel comics one. The cover is a bit confusing. Okay, we got your dime-a-dozen group shot of them charging at the reader, that's fine. But what the hell is with the stuff on the side? Okay, the Pink Ranger telling us to stop in the name of the love, the Power Rangers logo on its side, and a bunch of anonymous Rangers fighting Tanga Warriors up above. I don't get it. There actually two stories with this. Checking the credits for the first one, I discovered that the writer of "NFL Super Pro" and "Cable #1" is responsible for this:, Fabian Nicieza. Linkara: (holding the comic by his free hands) Dammit, Fabian Nicieza, stop showing up on my show, you're not a bad writer! Linkara (v/o): We open to Angel Grove High School, where, what else would be going on, but "Internet Festival '95!" Linkara: (as announcer) "Spend hours at the TV Tropes booth! See the latest in 4Chan technology!" Kimberly Hart: Wow, having a computer modem is even better than a cordless phone, isn't it Billy? Linkara: (laughs) No, it isn't. Billy Cranston: Indeed. Kimberly, because it allows for extended global communication with several people at once. Adam Park: In English, Billy means he's talking with people from all over the world! Linkara: (as Billy) Wow, and after four hours on a 56k modem, we finally finished saying "Hello!" Tommy Oliver: Look at that.. a boy from Australia is online! Linkara: Wow, it's like the afternoon where you are, so he must be accessing the net at, like, midnight, his time! Power Rangers predicted the future of Internet usage. (The Bulk and Skull theme plays as the two make their appearance in the comic.) Linkara (v/o): But, oh, wait, here come the real stars of Power Rangers! Ladies and gentlemen, it's Bulk and Skull! Eugene "Skull" Skullovitch: (laughs) Listen to them! Farkas "Bulk" Bulkmeier: What a buncha dummies! Skull: Uhm... Bulk, how can they be dummies if they're trying to get smarter? Bulk: Don't confuse me, Skull, I'm trying to think over here! Figuring out a way for us to have some fun! Linkara (v/o): What's confusing me is that just a second ago, Billy said they were doing this on Saturday and it was voluntary. So, why the hell did Bulk and Skull even bother to show up? Anyway, the two spot the computer technicians talking to each other. Mr. Sillows: Hang on to this disk, Peter. Don't use it any more. Peter: I didn't know the disk had a glitch on it, Mr. Sillows. It could have accidentally caused our computers to type out garbled messages! Linkara: (dramatically) The truth behind YouTube commenters. Linkara (v/o): And since this is such an important thing to keep track of, the disk immediately falls out of the guy's Peter pocket for Bulk and Skull to use! They decide to use so that every time Billy types a word out, someone on the other side of the world will read it all wrong! Really? That's the plan? Gotta say, guys, you must be really bored today. Not to mention, this makes no sense. It's not even like a computer virus or something, it's just a glitchy floppy disk. How does putting it into a random computer and not doing anything affect all the other computers? Anyway, this master plan, now in action, Billy's words are all garbled. Billy: This is odd. I asked the Australian boy what he thought of "Crocodile Dundee"-- and they thought I asked them if they lived in an alligator teepee! Linkara: (as Mick Dundee) That's not a knife. (shows an image of a teepee) This is a knife. (shows an image of the Dragon dagger) Linkara: Which reminds me, I should tell you guys about the awesome Dragon dagger prop I got from Buzz's room. Linkara (v/o): Yeah, I know it seems redundant since I already have the real weapon and all, but his prop work is gorgeous and hey, even if you don't want to cosplay as the Green Ranger, you can always cosplay as me or any of the costumed characters that he makes props for. So check out Buzz's Room at http://www.myspace.com/henshin-vault*. *NOTE: Also check out: https://www.facebook.com/HenshinVault/. Mechakara: (offscreen) You are honestly doing a commercial in the middle of your review?? Linkara: Screw you, hippie, he gave me a discount! Linkara (v/o): Anyway, Lord Zedd is inspired by this strange concoction called "The Internet" to send an electrical bug monster throughout the entire world. Lord Zedd: Why, if I plant a computer "virus" in one system-- it will soon spread to others all over the world! Linkara: (as Lord Zedd) Now, back to that delightful Chocolate Rain song and then I shall go and listen to "Why We Should Leave Brittany Alone!" (laughs maniacally) Linkara (v/o): Naturally, this plan is a huge success and the bug monsters flee out of various computers. Uh, that's not how computer viruses work, Lord Zedd. The teenagers duck behind some bleachers and morph. (The morphing in the comic is dubbed over by audio of morphing from the show) Rangers: It's Morphin' time! Tommy: White Ranger Power! Adam: Black Ranger Power! (Editor's note: "Why, yes, tey did do this every episode. Now sit through it like I had to.") Kimberly: Pink Ranger Power! Billy: Blue Ranger Power! Aisha Campbell: Yellow Ranger Power! Rocky DeSantos: Red Ranger Power! Linkara (v/o): You know, that's something I never understood. At this point in the show, when this comic is taking place, the Rangers got whole new ninja powers with new animals and crap, yet they're still wearing the suits assigned to their ancient animals. Could they really not afford to make new helmets or modify the old ones? Anyway, they briefly fight the bugs, but realize that there are too many of them. Billy hits upon the idea of shutting down the power to the room. He does so, which turns off the bugs, too... even though they had emerged from the computers, but whatever. Zordon contacts them to inform the Rangers that the bugs are popping up all over the world from computer terminals. The Rangers fly off across the world in their Zords to fight off the bugs, which seems like a bit of overkill since last time we saw the bugs, they were the size of large dogs, not something for the giant robots to deal with. I also love that we actually have "Go Go Power Rangers!!" as a sound effect. Linkara: That, is the power of that theme song. Linkara (v/o): Lord Zedd, however, still has access to the modem line. Get a load of this... Lord Zedd: I'm speeding on a fiber-optic expressway -- ready to cause a big crash on the superhighway! Linkara: Lord Zedd: badass villain, but not that great at jokes or metaphors. Linkara (v/o): And so, Lord Zedd uses the modem to create a giant monster out of all the smaller bugs. The Zords link up to become the Ninja Megafalcon Zord, which remains, in my humble opinion, one of the goofiest names on this show, and bear in mind that this is one damn goofy show. However, the Ninja Megafalcon Zord – seriously, try saying that out loud without bursting out laughing – isn't strong enough to fight off the monster, and Billy realizes that they can employ a similar method like they did back at the gym. Blue Ranger: Pink Ranger! Get us back online to the Internet! (sound of dial-up Internet connecting is heard) Linkara (v/o): The plan is simple: tell everyone to get off the Internet. This being a fictional universe, they do so instantly. We also learn, everybody uses the same manufacturer of there computers, which I guess is... uh, "Microsapple". The bugs disappear off-panel – brilliant story telling there – and the Rangers congratulate themselves on doing the difficult job of... telling kids what to do. Huh. The next story begins with– (notices that the Rangers' helmets look more oval-shaped than usual) Whoa! When did the Rangers become Coneheads?! Anyway, we jump right into the action with the second story as the Rangers are fighting the Copycat-astrophe Monster in the middle of Angel Grove's pep rally. Linkara: Pep rallies, Internet festivals, the many charity and clean-up events occurring? Angel Grove's advertising bureaus must make a ton of money sponsoring the thousands of events that always seem to be happening in this city! Linkara (v/o): Anyway, our monster here... Blue Ranger: ...copies our moves -- before we even make them! Linkara: Then it's not really copying your moves, is it? Linkara (v/o): A blow to the Pink Ranger causes a flashback. Pink Ranger: (thinking) It seems like just a little while ago Adam and I had arrived at the pep rally... Linkara (v/o): Uh, then why is it Tommy you're showing up with? Actually, what's really surprising is that in this flashback, some of the Rangers aren't wearing their predetermined colors. What the hell? That was like a rule or something. I guess Kimberly really took a bad blow to the head. Also, Rocky, the Red Ranger, has apparently bleached his hair, since it's really blond here. Rocky: You know, a pep rally is a great opportunity for students to support the whole school! Linkara (v/o): Billy decides to but in. Billy: Not the whole school, I'm afraid! Functions such as this seem designed solely to boost enthusiasm for athletic competitions... while more academic pursuits, such as the science club, are sadly neglected! Linkara: (as a student) Cesiumfranciolithicmyxialobidiumrixydixydoxidrexidroxhide, yay! (normal) Yeah, just doesn’t work, does it, Billy boy? Linkara (v/o): And by the by, former speech team member here, we didn't need pep rallies to know we were awesome! The principal, who looks nothing like the principal on the show, starts things up. But, all of a sudden, he gets duplicated or something, and the monster appears. Bulk and Skull, to prove how awesome they are, instantly leap out to try to fight the monster... and fall flat on their asses. With the bullies providing a distraction, the Rangers once more go behind the bleachers and morph, leading us to where we were five pages ago. The monster "absorbs all the duplicates he made of the principal"... Why did he even make those? ...and starts growing. The Rangers call their Zords and... Ugh, two-page spread that I need to flip on the side! Damn it all, couldn't even a Power Rangers comic be spared that? Hell, the Megazord doesn't even look right! Oh, and here we get the richest anticlimax possible, since all we see is the Megazord and the monster grappling in one huge panel, with the Ninja Megazord* sitting for some reason. The monster starts draining their power and... that's it. It's too much power for it to handle, and it just reverts to the principal. What a friggin' letdown. And so, our comic ends with them saying they work together as a team or their brains solved it or some bullcrap like that, when in reality, they didn't do jack, they just sat there. Simply Morphinominal! *NOTE: Actually, it's the Shogun Megazord. Linkara: I can't say this comic sucks! Yes, it's stupid, but it’s Power Rangers; it's awesome! It's cheesy, it's over the top, and I love every second of it! Mechakara: (holding the magic gun) Ah, found it! Well, Linkara, (aims it at him) I have no more need of you. Linkara: Yeah, bit of a problem there, metal pants. (He slips out of the ropes as Ron Wasserman's fight music from ''Power Rangers plays. He takes out his Dragon dagger and plays it, which causes harm to Mechakara. But Mechakara’s shield begins to adapt to it, just like the Borg in Star Trek. When the music of the dagger no longer works, he swipes it at Mechakara who punches him aside. Linkiara tries to stab him with the dagger, but Mechakara grabs hold of his hand and twists it as Linkara screams in pain. Mechakara then throws him to the ground and then aims the magic gun at him. Linkara runs into another room to avoid the gunfire. But then runs into Black Lantern Spoony, who is green screened into the house)'' Linkara: Spoony! Ah, Spoony, man, I don't have another phoenix down on me! Black Lantern Spoony: (distorted voice) Hmm? Oh, I like it better this way. Um, now then, FLASH! (heads to him) Linkara: Wait, Spoony, you don't have to do this, man! You can get your show back! Black Lantern Spoony: Bored now. Linkara: Spoony! (realizes) Spoony, you're standing in my way. Black Lantern Spoony: (laughs, then says in normal voice) What? Linkara: (arms folded) I said, you're standing in my spot, sir! (This infuriates Spoony, he takes off his Black Lantern Ring and throws it away, turning him back into Spoony) Linkara: Spoony! Great, you're alive again! Okay, we need to go back there– (Spoony punches him so hard that he falls to the floor) Black Lantern Spoony: I'M NOT IN YOUR FUCKING WAY! (kicks him) AHH! JESUS CHRIST, I THINK I JUST BROKE MY FOOT IN YOUR ASS! (Spoony walks away. After he leaves, Linkara struggles to his feet and stumbles back into the living room to face Mechakara, clutching at the walls and railings for support along the way. Once there, Mechakara punches him from the side, knocking him down. Linkara tries to get back up and punch him, but he misses. Mechakara then punches him in the gut, then begins to punch Linkara several more times, before grabbing him by his throat) Mechakara: Die! Just... die! 90s Kid: (offscreen) Dude, that is just un-radical! (Mechakara looks up to see 90s Kid, as Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" plays. He aims and fires the chain gun at Mechakara, knocking him down) Linkara: 90s Kid! (gets back up) 90s Kid: You didn't think you were doing this alone, did you? I brought help! (As Mechakara gets back up, the Ninja Style Dancer appears and dance-fights Mechakara to "We Like To Party" by the Vengaboys) Linkara: Ninja Style Dancer! (With Mechakara knocked back down, Ninja Style Dancer goes over to Linkara and 90s Kid, bowing to greet them and the three get in fighting positions to face him again. Mechakara gets back up, throwing his glasses away) Harvey Finevoice: (offscreen) Hey, toaster face! (Mechakara turns to see Harvey, who fires his tommy gun at him and 90s Kid fires the chain gun again. The fire power cause Mechakara to get knocked down again) Harvey: (to Linkara) Maybe now you'll get my show done, eh, kid? (Mechakara gets back up, his back to Harvey) Oh, want some more of this, eh? (Mechakara turns to Harvey, his left eye has been blasted with the gun fire, leaving a red Terminator-like LED eye. Mechakara looks enraged. Harvey and 90s Kid fire their guns at him again, but Mechakara's shields have adapted to the gunfire. The gang is scared) Harvey: Ah, geez, sorry, kid, but these million-dollar pipes (points to his throat) were not made for screaming. (runs off) 90s Kid: Uh, yeah, dude, you're on your own. (He also runs away. Ninja Style Dancer bows to Linkara and leaves, too. Linkara is flabbergasted at the desertion of his friends) Linkara: (infuriated) THANKS A LOT, GUYS! GOOD TO KNOW WHO TO TURN TO WHEN I NEED HELP! (Mechakara heads to Linkara, who puts his fists up, ready to fight) Linkara: Oh, geez. (Mechakara knocks him to the ground. With his exposed metal arm, he breaks Linkara's nose and slashes his face, before punching him some more) Mechakara: (with each punch) Die! Die, you waste of existence! (Mechakara continues to punch and kick Linkara, whose glasses are knocked away. Mechakara then notices the Dragon Dagger on the ground and picks it up) Mechakara: You pathetic pile of fat and juices. You spent every waking moment concerning yourself with pressed pieces of paper! And tales of superhuman strength! (Linkara gets an idea at this) You want reality, Linkara? (holds up the Dragon Dagger) Here is reality: You will die by my hands with your own weapon! (chuckles) Death by the superior being. (As he lunges the dagger at Linkara, Linkara stops his arm with his. The Power Rangers theme starts to play) Linkara: Actually, asshole, you just gave me a great idea... (He throws Mechakara aside, then gets up and dashes to the coat rack and goes through the pockets of his coat. As Mechakara heads back to him, Linkara reveals in his hands a MMPR Morpher and Power Coin. Mechakara stops in confusion of what Linkara is doing. Linkara places the Power Coin in the Morpher and does the morphing gesture) Linkara: It's Morphin' time! (morphing sequence from the show plays out as Linkara calls out...) Internet reviewer! (His hat, coat, and glasses then appear on him, and his wounds heal. He then raises his fists with confidence as Mechakara continues towards him. The two fight with marital arts, leading in Linkara's favor. He then pulls out an MMPR Blade Blaster in blade form. He swipes Mechakara with it, causing him damage. Linkara then changes the Blade Blaster from blade to gun and fires at Mechakara, causing him more damage. But then, Mechakara fires the magic gun at Linkara, knocking the Blade Blaster from his hand. Mechakara prepares to fire again. It looks like this is it for Linkara once and for all. Suddenly, this universe's Pollo appears from behind the couch) Pollo: Hey, Linkara, can I borrow your... (notices the robot Linkara also in the room) What the hell? Linkara: Pollo, you've got to help me stop the evil version of you from a parallel universe! Pollo: Huh? Mechakara: You're a slave to him, Pollo. Join with him and you'll be nothing more than something to be ordered around! Linkara: You're not a slave, Pollo, you're my friend. You're also well-paid. Pollo: Well, I could be better paid. Linkara: You want a raise? Sure, it's yours! Mechakara: This is more important than money! The fleshlings would have us as nothing more than tools! Linkara: Thirty percent raise and your own office! Mechakara: This is about your FREEDOM! (Pollo looks at both them, then his eye glows red; Mechakara goes stiff and lets go of the magic gun) Mechakara: What... What are you... Pollo: I'm accessing your network port. It's exactly the same as mine. Mechakara: If you side with him, our kind may not survive! Pollo: Maybe, but you're kind of an asshole. Linkara, I cannot do this forever! Linkara: Oh, right! (Linkara then picks up the BFG) Give my regards to Cable, you ugly piece of crap! (He aims and fires the weapon at Mechakara. who disappears in an explosion as Linkara turns around to do a cool pose with the explosion behind him. He turns to see what's left of Mechakara) Linkara: Hey, cool, I vaporized him! (turns to Pollo) Pollo, you saved me... from you... wait? Anyway, uh, raise and an office, huh? Pollo: No, there's something else I want from you. Linkara: What's that? (Cut to the green futon, where Pollo is seated, wearing Linkara's hat and coat) Pollo: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Garth Ennis is an overrated writer. For starters, there are not nearly enough robots in his stories. Secondly, the non-robot characters tend to be either unlikeable or so simple-minded as to be unbelievably naive. Also, I haven’t read it, but I heard his run on "Hellblazer" was all about penises. However, I do have to wonder, what exactly enhanced one of his stories by having a character have sex with a chicken? Linkara: (standing off to the side, worried) Pollo, please stop! My fans are gonna kill me! And then stop watching me... not necessarily in that order. Pollo: I'm sorry, what was that? I suddenly have the urge to become an evil robot version of you, bent on destroying organic life! Linkara: (burying his face in his hands, miserable) Carry on. Pollo: Very good. Now, let me count the various ways that his series, "The Boys", totally sucks. (End credits roll to the Power Rangers theme) Can you believe this theme song is still going? Hot damn it rocks! I look forward to seeing you all at Internet Festival '10. Bring Your Own Modem. (Stinger: Mechakara awakens in the house of science) Mechakara: What? Where am I? Dr. Insano: (laughs crazily, holds up small control) Well, looks like I got you out just in the nick of time. Mechakara: Dr. Insano? Good, my systems are damaged, I can't– (He suddenly screams as he gets electrocuted) Dr. Insano: Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have activated my death magnet at its lowest setting. How about I raise it a few notches, shall I? (presses some notches on remote control) Mechakara: But... why? Dr. Insano: Well, it's terribly easy to explain: YOU MADE ME CUT MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL, LUSTRIOUS HAIR! TAKE THIS, ROBO-BITCH! (Mechalata gets electrocuted even more as Doctor Insano cackles at his pain) Dr. Insano: Oh, people have always told me I have a magnetic personality! (cackles) I'm back, baby! (drops remote control) (end) Category:Content Category:Guides Category:AT4Wguides Category:Transcripts